How long can you hold your breath??

Well, I can for a month!! No blog entries in September at all!!

Eric and I both breathed sweet sighs of releif. Hoping that the Reign of infertility terror is well behind us. Now, we revel in our good fortune!! 108 heartbeats per minute. Such an active bean. Measuring 5 weeks 5 days (I'm 6 weeks today...that's gestational weeks). Due date 6/1/08, although that could change a number of times in the next few weeks!

Jessica's Shower

It was a success. Great food and wine, lots of laughs and girl talk. An obscene amount of gifts. All that a shower should be. I'm happy that my friend had such a beautiful celebration.

Lucy-fur

My mom rescued this angel dog! She's all terrier and quite the glamour girl! I fell in love with her!

She's come a long way. From growling and snarling, to trusting and sharing Walt's ice cream cones.

I hear she's taken up golf. A true rags-to-riches story!

Underrated Grief

by Molly Fumia

What is the death of a child? It is, indeed a question mark. It is the loss of hope, of imaginings, of order within the future. It is a persistent, stinging regret, a lifetime of "what ifs." The life of a child, however shortened, is still very real to those who have already begun to imagine the future with a new baby and known, as only a happily pregnant woman can, his or her existence within her. It is a life simply unlived, and grief for the loss of that dream can be profound.
Having experienced two miscarriages, I suggest that it is an event capable of provoking deep longing and debilitating emptiness, especially for those who have no other children to offer relief from the pain. Where once life seemed full of hope and promise, only questions remain. What day would he have been born? What would she have been like? What are we missing, now that the baby we created is gone? The reality of motherhood has only begun to blossom when its source is suddenly taken away. Unable to keep up with such profound changes, both body and spirit continue to act as if the hope was still alive; that "feeling" given forth by the life within us persists for a long while after its death.
Grieving for your children lost to miscarriage is appropriate and should be honored. A small ceremony with your loved ones, planting a tree, time away to befriend the feelings and imagine a new future--all these concrete acts will help. The message is clear--if you are in pain, be kind to yourself. Grieve until you are healed. And enable others to grieve as they must.

Excerpted with permission from "A Piece of My Heart: Living Through the Grief of Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Death" by Molly Fumia, Conari Press, 2000.

Jim & Donna

We had dinner with Jim and Donna two weeks ago. What a fabulous evening. I love the situation of their home on the pond, in the woods.

What sanctuary.

Here's two guys doing what guys do!

a man and his tv

When I met Eric, he wanted one. Now it's all his!

Spent the evening with Steve and Deanna....and you know what that means! I got to see CoCo Bean! And she's bigger and cuter!! I tried to take her picture but I couldn't keep away from her long enough!! Here's the best I got!

Steve says she very naughty and loves eggs (you can't crack one without her comarunnin' for some omelet action!) and ham (no doubt, low sodium like momma Mar fed her)!!

The stomping of the grapes

Here's my fil, Andre, making homemade vino! Can't wait to be invited over to try some!

A busy day.

I got my hair done this morning and my 29 year old hairdresser had to have a total hysterectomy and a portion of her bowel removed. She had uterine cancer. When the docs went in to perform the hyterectomy they found a tumor the size of a fig on her bladder and another on her bowel. Both came back cancerous.

Luckily, she already has two beautiful daughters. They are delightful. But she said that she and her husband were thinking of having another.

I think God is trying to tell me something. So often, I'm in situations where I'm forced to re-evaluate really how good I have it. Yes, losing three children isn't chump change. It's real and it plain sucks and it hurts and it's life altering and it has simply broken our hearts. Two people that love each other, that have married, built a home, finished our educations, have money for food. We truly and earnestly want a family to have all of the bliss of pregnancy and welcoming their first baby into the world just robbed of us has been a cruel blow to us both. Let alone the grief process that seems never ending, especially now that September is aproaching and we mourn yet another birthday with no sweet babe in our arms.

That said, I'm reminded of how lucky I am when Eric tells me how pretty I am when I'm feeling fat and old, that we are perfectly healthy. And most importanly, how much we laugh.

Although, we are not promised tomorrow, tomorrow has much promise.